The Dogs
by wewritten
Summary: Expectations kill you. They silently wait until you're the most vulnerable, and then they lash out, ripping you to shreds with their claws, feeding off your tears and misery. I don't know why I haven't learned.
1. Everything That Rises

**I own nothing. **

* * *

_Chapter 1: Everything That Rises_

One day, a few years back, I was roaming around town, and I saw people. Some of them were laughing, some looked annoyed, and some looked at me strangely for looking at them. People are so funny, and in that moment I wondered if they realized they're beautiful. Beauty can be measured in so many ways, and I wanted everyone to know that. I could barely keep myself from standing in the middle of the town square, shouting nonsense about beauty. The only thing stopping me, was the thought that people wouldn't see the beauty in my observations, and that perverse thought was dirty and forbidden. Maybe I was just special, maybe only I could see how every person walking by was unique, and even though they may not have been blessed with good looks, something else about them would surely be beautiful, if only they'd accept it.

For a five year old boy, I was thinking about some pretty deep shit, I've got to admit. Thinking back on it, I doubt my previous thoughts. Not everyone has beauty inside of them, but maybe people can change something ugly into something that's not so bad. I'd like to believe that, it makes the world a little more bearable.

The news is horrible, these days. It's all death and destruction, war, murdered children. I wish I could help, I wish I could change lives. But I'm just a poor college student, and all I can do is hope that not too many innocent lives will be taken today.

Luckily not everyone has to live such terrible lives, not everyone has to see the terrors some others see on a daily basis. Some people come from a good family, a family that takes care of each other. I come from a family like that, or mostly at least. My grandmother is the most amazing woman I will ever have the honor of meeting, and my uncle and my aunt are like my second parents. Such warm, and open people are hard to come by in times like these. It's why you need to keep a hold of them, and make sure you never lose them.

Unfortunately, life can be unpredictable, like the weather. You can guess at what's going to happen next, but then something unexpected happens and everything changes. Like when my grandpa died. He'd been sick for many years, but when he actually died, my whole family died, too. I still remember the day, the twentieth of January, a Saturday. It had been around half past eleven, in the morning. We were at my grandparents' house, my mother, sister and I. My uncle and aunt - and their children of course - were there too. I think there were actually more people, but I can't remember. I guess my mind had had enough to deal with tat day, and so it decided to just forget about the useless shit. I had been looking for something, I think it was my school books, I did have exams coming up. I'd forgotten them in my grandma's car, but it was locked, so I needed her keys. She was in the bedroom with my grandfather, along with my mother and uncle. There was a doctor, too, grandpa had been very sick. At the exact moment, the exact _fucking _moment I walked in to ask for the keys, he died. My grandma shouted: "It's okay, Joseph, let go!", and that's when I walked in, and as I took a breath to ask for grandma's car keys, grandpa breathed out his last.

Everyone was silent. My mother was crying, so was grandma. Uncle Zack was just standing there, stunned. I broke the silence.

"Grandma, where are your keys? I need my books."

She didn't speak.

"I think they're in her purse, Rox. It's on one of the chairs in the living room," uncle Zack said. I nodded, went inside to grab her keys. Slowly I walked to the car, and I got my books and locked myself in the study. I didn't cry. No one came in to talk to me. Sometime in the afternoon, my stepfather Auron walked in, and sat down on the chair facing mine. He said nothing. I continued studying. I remember feeling glad he respected my choice to keep silent, but I shouldn't have been surprised. Auron was a really nice man, and treated me like I was his own child. We sat in companionable silence for a little while longer, until: "Roxas," Auron started, "you don't have to talk to anyone, if you don't want to, but there are people here. Even your dad made it. If you decide to come out, you can." He got up from his chair, and walked over to my side. I refused to look at him, like I refused to look at people in general when I didn't feel like talking. He put a hand on my shoulder, and I did everything in my power to not flinch at the touch.

"Don't feel pressured, okay Rox? Whenever you're ready, we'll be there for you."

That was eight years ago, when I was thirteen years old. My little sister Paine was barely a month old at the time. She never got to meet grandpa, and for that I feel sorry. But now that I'm twenty-one, it's not the time to dwell on such sad things of the past, is it? I should be out partying, not worrying about anything, deal with the here and now and let future Roxas deal with the future.

So that's exactly what I was doing. I was out with friends, in some club that was hosting a party. Not any party, but a party for gays and lesbians and everything and everyone in between that. I don't really know what I am, I'm still questioning myself and I've decided to just not put a label on it. But when my friend Fang asked me to come, I couldn't say no. She would've dragged my sorry ass out of my room anyway, had I said no. And man, I did not feel like dealing with her abuse, that girl could hit _hard_.

So here we were. We were dancing, and when I say 'we' you know it's serious business, because I don't dance. It's like an unwritten rule of life: 'Roxas Strife will not dance'. Then alcohol happened and kept the rule from getting to me. I let go, there we no limits. No limit to my (horrible) dance moves, no limits to the amount of beer and cigarettes, no limit to the fucking sky. I was dancing and I was having fun. Fang bet me a hundred dollars, if I ended up kissing a guy. But in that moment, I didn't care. I didn't care about kissing, I didn't care about my crappy childhood, I didn't care about my non-existent love life. I cared about the booze and the music, and god I just wanted to dance. Had I ever been this intoxicated before? Jesus, I needed to stop drinking, but there Fang came, bringing me more beer.

"Ya having a good time, mate?" she yelled in my ear, trying to make herself clear ver the loud music.

"It's fucking fantastic!" I yelled back, grinning. She grinned back, and we drank and we danced. The night went on, and we were invincible. We could take on the world, we didn't have to be scared. She was a young goddess and I was a young god and the bartenders were our slaves.

"You're dancing, Rox!" Fang hiccuped. I snorted.

"Remember it well, this will never happen again."

At one point when you're out drinking, you need to use the bathroom, and from that moment forward, you just keep going. It's strange how that works, but my time had come yet again. I motioned to Fang that I would be right back, and she shook her wild dark brown hair and danced. She was beautiful, it was hard to keep my eyes off her sometimes, but I knew it would never happen. She was as gay as they come.

When I came back from relieving myself, I couldn't find Fang anywhere. That was okay, I just wanted to dance anyway. Suddenly there was a hand on my shoulder, and a voice that said: "Let's go outside, a friend of mine brought Mary."

I turned around, already having recognized Fangs voice, and gave her a puzzled look. "What?"

Fang rolled her eyes. "Mary, marijuana, pot, weed. You know. Stuff."

She dragged me outside. On a bench sat a somewhat fat guy. He wasn't obese or anything, but he could stand to lose a few pounds.

"Roxas," Fang started, then pointed to the guy, "this is Pence. Pence, Roxas."

Pence smiled and waved. "Hey," he said. I smiled back. He asked me if this was my first time smoking weed. I shook my head.

"No, but I don't do it too often."

"That's okay," he laughed. "This is good, try some." He handed me the joint, and I happily took a drag, and after a while another, before passing it to Fang. The feeling of lightheadedness I knew would come, washed over me like a warm blanket, and I just wanted to sleep.

"Hey Pence," I drawled. "Can I… Can I just lie my head on your shoulder for a minute?"

Pence shared a knowing look with Fang, before grinning and saying: "Sure dude, go ahead."

I put my head on his shoulder, and that's when the roller coaster came down. I couldn't move, I could barely speak. I couldn't open my eyes and all I wanted was to just fucking sleep. I felt like a bag of potatoes, and Pence shook me and he said something but I can't remember what it was. He sounded worried, that scared me. Should I be worried? I didn't want to worry, I just wanted to sleep.

"Fang, Fang! Call an ambulance, he's not doing well." That was Pence, I think. What, was I lying on the ground? I didn't understand. They needed to know I was awake, but I didn't want to be. I just wanted to sleep, please, please just let me sleep.

"Roxas!" Slap.

"Roxas!" Slap.

"God fucking damnit!" Slap. I wished she would stop hitting me. I moaned, hoping she'd understand I was awake.

"Roxas, stay the fuck with me!" Slap. I opened my eyes. If only she'd just _stop slapping me_. I was tired. I closed my eyes again. Why couldn't I just go to sleep?

"Roxas don't you fucking dare!" Slap.

"Fang, Fang!" I managed to say. "Yeah, yeah, I'm here. Fang, I'm here," I searched for her hand, found it and tried to squeeze. I don't remember if it worked. "Here… Fang..." I was just so tired. I needed to sleep.

"Fang, the ambulance is here." Pence.

"Alright, let's get him inside." Who was that?

"Will you be driving with us?"

"Yes." Fang.

I was lying still, but we were moving. I needed to vomit.

"What's your name, kid?" someone asked.

"It's Roxas," I whispered.

"What's that, lad? Didn't quite catch that." He sounded so patient, it was embarrassing.

"Roxas Strife."

"Okay Roxas Strife, where will we be taking you?" Did he have to be so friendly?

"My mom's place. Wait. No. My keys? I don't know. My mom's place."

He asked me where that was, I somehow answered him. I knew Fang was there somewhere, I needed to see her but I couldn't open my eyes. Could I go to sleep yet? No of course not. I didn't deserve to go to sleep. I didn't deserve anything. I am just a worthless piece of shit who is apparently dumb enough to drink too much and then have a bad trip. Mom was gonna be so pissed, fuck, she's gonna be mad. Shit what am I going to do? I can't go home. I cried.

"I can't go home, she'll be mad. I can't go home, please, Fang, I just, I just want to die, Fang," I weeped, "I am so done with everything, I'm tired of being sad all the time. Fang, I just want to die. Please, let me die?"

Suddenly I was on the couch. The kitchen light was on, and I needed to pee. I looked around, everything was spinning.

"Hello?" I whispered loudly. No one answered. I was alone. I crawled to the bathroom, and did my thing. Nearly fell asleep, might as well have, I don't fucking remember. Back to the couch, underneath a thin red blanket.

Finally, I could sleep.

* * *

The next morning was like hell on earth. Never before had I had such a hangover. I was sure I was still drunk. I needed to pee again. I found my wallet on the bathroom floor, and all I could think was: good thing you remembered taking it out of your back pocket before it fell in the toilet. Yeah, Roxas, real good job.

Fuck I was a mess. My hair smelled of vomit, my clothes reeked of old beer and cigarettes. I thought about what grandpa would've said if he could see me now, but I decided I really didn't want to know. I didn't want to deal with the imagined disappointment, I already had to deal with my own.

I never thought being so disappointed in yourself could beat feeling sad for all those years. I thought my depression was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but at that moment the disappointment I felt was too great. It would be best to just die on the spot.

Death.

Oh jesus fuck, what did I tell Fang? Did I talk about dying? I thought I could remember something about that. I may have mumbled too much, she may not have caught what I said. I didn't want to ask her. Fang was sad, too. I didn't want to burden er with my sadness, like I didn't burden anyone else with it. My sadness was my own, no one needed to know it was there.

I drank a glass of orange juice and took a shower. I tried to get the awful smell of vomit out of my hair, but that would take several days and a lots of shampoo. While I was scrubbing myself down, I realized I should've have drank orange juice. The acids in the drink did not play nice with my already upset stomach, and so it came out again. Jesus, I'm a dick to myself.

I got out of the shower and threw on my pyjamas. I entered my bedroom and found everything still as I had left it, but the bed had clean sheets. I think Auron did that before he left to do whatever he had to do, because I was sure mom wouldn't take the time. Whoever did it, it was not important. Bed, sleep. Finally, sleep.


	2. A Case for Shame

**I own nothing.**

* * *

_Chapter 2: A Case For Shame_

Celebrating Christmas in Radiant Garden for the first time, was like eating sea salt ice cream for the first time. It was actually snowing. When we lived in Destiny Islands before, we saw pictures of snow of course, but it was a whole other thing to actually see it with your own eyes, and feel the cold snowflakes on your face. I loved it. I decided I never wanted to live somewhere where it wouldn't snow. The cold made me feel alive, and the white blanket that had settled on the buildings, made the world look peaceful. When it snowed, I felt like I could genuinely smile.

Snow made celebrating Christmas bearable. But, like every year, we went to visit grandma in Destiny Islands. I didn't mind visiting grandma, my uncle and aunt would be there too, so that was good. I just didn't like how we all pretended we were a happy family. We were fucked up, why did we need to pretend we were perfect like everyone else?

Car arrangements had been made by mom. She didn't want to sit in one car with me, of course. She was still quite angry about the whole 'getting home by ambulance' fiasco. I could understand, but I just wish she'd see that I regretted losing control like that. She didn't need to tell everyone about it, it was embarrassing enough as it was. Anyway, I was riding with my cousins Sora and Demyx. It was better than sitting in the same car with my mother for two and a half hours, but man it was exhausting.

"Sora, Sora, Sora! Go back to that other radio station!" Demyx shouted from the passenger seat. "The song they were playing was so cool, like, it's my favourite song of all fucking time!" For a twenty-four year old, Demyx sure didn't act like one.

But Sora excelled in Demyx-language, and he just grinned. "Dem, has anyone ever told you you're really gay? I mean, really. No straight man could listen to the Scissor Sisters."

"Dude," Demyx huffed, "Roxas listens to the Scissor Sisters."

"My point exactly."

I sat in the back, staring out the window, and ignored them. The snowy landscape slowly transformed into one filled with tall trees, full of bright green leaves. I guess it was nice, but I preferred the numbing cold and the empty trees.

"Hey Rox, are you all fired up for Christmas yet?" Demyx asked excitedly. Christmas was about his favourite thing in the world, and I could never understand why that was.

"I don't like Christmas, Demyx. You know this." I sighed.

Demyx pouted. "Aw man, Roxas! You could at least try to have fun. You know our sister and your sister would like it if you tried."

I remained silent. It was okay, Demyx was a happy person and it wasn't his fault he didn't understand I didn't like getting together with family.

"Roxas," Sora interrupted my silence. "We'll get to the ferry in a little bit. Are you going to stay in the car?"

Typically, when we went to visit grandma in Destiny Islands, I would be an anti-social fuck and stay in the car while everyone else would grab something to eat at the ferry's snack bar. Not me. I was already going to be stuck for them for a few days, I definitely did not want to extend the period of time I actually had to see them. Or my mom, more specifically.

"I'll be staying," I said.

Sora nodded. "Okay. Are you going to visit your dad?" he asked. He always asked when we went to the Islands.

"No."

* * *

Two weeks after the getting home drunk incident, it was my birthday. I turned twenty-two, and I had a week off from college. Mom was forcing a party on me. I didn't like celebrating my birthday; if people wanted to come over, they could, and we could have a good time. But I didn't want people to visit just because I invited them. It was awkward, and neither would have a good day. The people who mattered, would come over, and that's all what mattered to me.

My mom thought differently.

"Roxas, will you put up these birthday decorations please?" she asked sweetly.

"Mom, I really don't want them, to be honest. I don't really see the point."

Mom sighed disapprovingly. "Jesus Rox. It's for your sister. She's only seven, she doesn't understand it's a party without the decorations. Just put them up."

"Is this not my birthday? Don't I get to choose whether I want decorations or not?" I asked. I realized I was being a little shit, but she pulled this kind of shit every year.

"Roxas, honestly. I've gone through the trouble to invite all these people and buy you a cake. The least you could do is put up the damn things."

"They're your friends, and I hate fruitcake," I deadpanned.

"God dammit Roxas! Next time you can just arrange your birthday yourself!" She threw the decorations on the floor and stomped upstairs. I could feel the anger swelling in my stomach, travelling through my veins throughout my whole body. Before it could take a complete hold on me, I called for the dog.

"C'mon Pluto. Let's get the fuck outta here."

The walk was long, and when I came back my mother had put up the decorations. I sighed. It didn't matter how much we fought, she would always get her way in the end. When she saw me, her eyes lit up, like I was her favourite child and she hadn't seen me in years. If only that were true.

"Roxy, you're back! I quickly went to the store to get an apple pie as well, now we surely have enough cake to feed everyone." She smiled. She was actually not a bad looking woman, especially when she put on a little bit of make-up. Her smile finished the look. I wished she looked so gentle more often.

I realized she was making an effort to talk to me, without either of us having to say sorry. I appreciated the effort, and I knew I needed to meet her halfway.

"Thanks, mom." Her smile got wider.

"Auron will be home around five this afternoon. He'll pick up Paine on the way, so you won't see your little sister until later." She grabbed a cucumber and began to cut it in little pieces. "Jenny, Louise, and Kyle will be over around four I think," she continued cutting, "but I haven't heard from your dad, sadly."

The cutting continued, but I froze. "You what?!" I was seething. How dare she invite that man to my twenty-second birthday? It wasn't her place. How could she? She knew I didn't want him there.

"Mom what the fuck?! You know I don't want him around, you know I don't want to see him! What the fuck were you thinking?" I was rambling, talking too fast. I was just so angry. I just couldn't believe she invited that piece of shit.

She had quit cutting the cucumber by now, and stared at me wide eyed. "Roxas, I thought-"

"-well next time don't think!" I furiously rubbed my eyes, in an attempt to stop myself from pulling my hair out. "Look mom, I'm sorry. I just really don't want to see him."

"Well," she began, while she went back to cutting vegetables, "it's not like he was going to come anyways."

Silence fell over us like clouds loaded with electricity. I felt myself starting to explode – who says such a thing to their son? – but I knew I had to play it cool.

"No," I said. "No he wouldn't."

* * *

We were the first ones to arrive. We were welcomed by my grandma with kisses and hugs (she was about the only person I would kiss and hug voluntarily), and we were then ushered inside. She offered us tea and coffee, and she pointed at the tray with cookies and chocolates on it. "Help yourself," she said. When I reached out to grab a cookie, my mother glared at me.

"Rox, don't you think you should help grandma first? You're being kind of rude."

I just sighed, knowing it would be useless to go against her. Right now was not the time to fight, we were pretending to be happy.

I found grandma in the kitchen, and she nudged me. "How're you doing, kid?" she asked. I noticed she'd become very old the past few years. She wasn't that old in reality, but she looked ancient. Her heart was slowly failing, and the chance of her dying within a year was actually quite big. I shook my head, I couldn't think of that. Grandma was my light, she couldn't possibly die, not when I was still surrounded by darkness.

"Yeah I'm alright," I answered with a smile. Grandma knew something was up. I think she's always known I was lying when I said I was fine, but she never questioned me. On the one hand, I was happy about that. I didn't have to explain anything and I didn't have to face the painful feelings. But on the other hand, I wished she would. It sometimes felt like she just didn't ask because she didn't care enough. That was a ridiculous thought by the way, I knew for a fact that she favoured me. She was very subtle about it, but when we were all younger, she'd prefer to take me out to do things, and I'd rather be with her and grandpa than stay at home.

"Have you heard from your father?" grandma asked carefully. I was about to answer her, but the coffee just finished and I quickly grabbed some mugs.

I cleared my throat, "I'll just bring these to mom and Auron, yeah?", and made for the living room as fast as I could. I didn't feel like spending Christmas Eve with so many people, but I definitely wasn't prepared for difficult questions. And it wasn't even that difficult. It was a simple yes-or-no question, but I found I couldn't answer it. I could, but I wouldn't, because it would make me feel angry and sad. The answer would be a very definite 'no', and I didn't want to deal with that pain. My father, Cloud, had been absent from my life for a few years, five to be exact. Something had happened once, and from that moment on I decided I was better off without him as a father. What hurt me though, was that he didn't do anything to fix it. It was like he just confirmed my thoughts, the thoughts that tell me he doesn't care about me. Maybe if mom and dad hadn't had me, they'd still be together. They would live their happy lives, and I wouldn't have to be in the middle of it messing everything up.

I wouldn't have to be here at all.

* * *

May nineteenth, Thursday. Today was my fathers birthday, and we'd agreed I'd come over to celebrate. Mom and dad didn't really talk to each other much. I was excited to see him, I wanted to tell him about the job I'd landed a month earlier. I was so happy to finally have turned sixteen, I was finally allowed to work. I was even happier when I finally found a job, a few months later. I wanted to tell him about my awesome colleagues, and the things that had happened. Not that it was very exciting, but I just wanted to share it with him on his special day. I'd even went to the expensive bakery to buy him his favourite cake. I knew this afternoon would be great.

Until I knocked on his door and he didn't open it. I knocked again. I tried to peek through the window, but the curtains were shut tight. He'd done it again. He'd decided he wasn't feeling good enough for company.

Dad would occasionally lock himself up in his home, when he didn't want to see anyone. The first time I was actually conscious of what was happening, I unlocked his back door with my set of keys. I stood in the middle of the living room and called for him. He ran downstairs, looked at me with this bewildered look on his face, and stayed silent.

"Are you okay?" I'd asked. He just nodded. "I, uh, just wanted to see if you were okay. So, I'll be going then." I turned around and left.

The second time he did that, he'd learned from past experience, and he had put a key in the door on the inside, so that I couldn't unlock it. I understood the message, and didn't bother him until he felt he wanted to talk to me again. He'd always pretend nothing had happened, he'd act like we had just talked to each other a day before. That always bothered me, but I never called him out on it. He would probably lock himself up again.

But today, on his own birthday, was not the day I could deal with his shit. We had agreed I would come over, we were supposed to have a good day and talk and have fun. My dad really was a nice guy, a bit quiet, but we had the same kind of humour and I could talk to him about my mother, because he understood what I was talking about.

Apparently, though, he didn't feel the same about me. That's when I called Fang. I went to her place and we ate the cake. I didn't say much that day, but she knew and just stayed by my side. That was all I needed, until I started cussing my dad out. We had some fun with that.

That Thursday, May nineteenth, I decided I didn't want to talk to my father again. I felt like I didn't mean anything to him, so I stopped calling him. Usually he would call me, to let me know he was okay, but for some reason he had also stopped calling. I was so angry and upset, I didn't have time to miss him. I could live without him, I had Auron, who had proven himself a better father even though we didn't share the same blood. I could live without Cloud.

That summer, was the summer I worked a lot. I remember going to work every day, so that I could make lots of money to spend on sea salt ice cream. I would turn seventeen a little bit after the holidays, and I was looking forward to going back to school. Overall, I'd had a pretty awesome summer.

One Sunday changed that. The supermarket I worked at only recently started to open its doors on Sundays, and man, was it busy! You'd think people would have the time to get their groceries any other day of the week, but nearly everyone in our neighbourhood found it necessary to go shopping on Sundays. I didn't mind. Time seemed to pass faster, and because it was a Sunday, I got paid double the amount of money I would normally get.

I was busy helping a customer, when suddenly I heard something. It was the sound of coins, when you have a handful and drop them on the counter. But this sounded a little bit different, it sounded like there were too many coins. I looked up. A man wearing a cap was pointing a kitchen knife at my colleague, while she emptied her desk into a plastic bag he was holding. I froze. I didn't know what to do. Shortly after, he ran away. The other customers had caught on as well, someone chased him down the street. My colleague slowly turned around.

"Roxas," she said calmly. I still don't know how she did that. "Call for the manager." I looked at her for a split second before quickly calling him. He called the police, we emptied the store, and waited.

The man got away, and we had to stay for questioning. It didn't take long, they just wanted to get our information and the policemen said they'd call us to make an appointment. We'd have to talk to them at the station the coming week to tell them what happened.

The next day, my colleague who had the knife pointed at her, found out she was pregnant.

The day after that, another colleague who already was pregnant, lost her baby.

I realized that so many shit can go down in such a short amount of time. If only the robbery had gone a little different, if I had been in her place, if the man had taken en pistol instead of a knife, _what if_. I could be run over by a bus tomorrow. I could suddenly find out I had some kind of tumor somewhere in my tiny body. I could die.

And I'd die without having seen my dad again. I couldn't, no, wouldn't accept that. So I called him. He didn't pick up his phone, of course. I had expected that. I kept calling him and calling him. I took the train to Destiny Islands, and sat in the park near his house. I kept calling. I kept hearing his voicemail. I left a message.

"Dad, it's Roxas. I've been trying to call you, but you haven't picked up, so..." I swallowed. What was I going to say? "I just wanted to let you know the supermarket got robbed today. I'm fine, so are my colleagues. Nothing major happened. I just need to talk to you. I'll be waiting in the park until ten. If you haven't called me back by then, I'll grab the last train home and I won't ever talk to you again."

Beep.

* * *

Christmas was such a drag. I don't think there was anything I hated more than Christmas – maybe my birthday – but this was by far the most terrible holiday in the existence of ever. I didn't even believe in God, or Jesus, or whatever. To me, it's all crap.

Of course my mother believes in God. She's not very extreme about it, but she does believe, and so my sister Paine and I were forced to celebrate all these holidays. I couldn't wait to move out, because then I wouldn't have to deal with her God-shit.

Christmas Eve had gone by without much drama. The food was good, and the company mostly enjoyable. Mom and I somehow didn't fight the entire night, uncle Zack was being the clown of the family like usual, and we all listened to music and played games. At one point it had become apparent that it had been too late in the evening; Paine was becoming a pain (no pun intended). She was screaming, and running, and I could not deal with that. My mood was quickly spiralling down to where I almost lost control, but I managed to get to the car before everyone else and sit there in silence and wait.

The next day I was supposed to get up early. Paine came to tell me mom had made breakfast, and my stomach took that time to growl loudly. My sister giggled. I smiled.

We went down and took our respective places at the table. Mom had really outdone herself; there were cooked eggs, warm buns, and all other kinds of delicious breakfast foods.

"Looks great, mom!" I complimented her. This was her favourite holiday, I could stand to try and be civil. Especially when she tried so hard to make it a nice day for all of us.

"Roxas is right, Tifa," agreed Auron, "you've really outdone yourself."

Mom beamed up at us. "Thank you, guys!" There it was again, her gentle, happy smile. "Now, before we dig in – Paine, put that back! - I wanted to ask you if there's anyone you would like to think of today."

All of us went silent, thinking hard. There were a few people I could think of, grandpa, Fang, but I stayed quiet. Mom looked at me expectantly. "Do you want to start, Rox?"

I looked up at the ceiling. I could say 'no' and we could have a fit, or I could just tell her a random name. But that would defeat her point, and if she somehow found out, we'd have a fit, too.

"I can't really think of anyone," I said slowly. Mom said nothing, thought for a minute, then nodded.

"That's okay, honey. What about you Auron?"

Honestly, I was surprised by how she handled the situation. But moreover, I was glad. When we were done thinking about our special people, we got the sign to finally eat. Just in time, too, because my stomach had started growling profusely. Paine started giggling again.

"Roxy, you need to eat, or your stomach will eat you!" She hastily grabbed one of the eggs and nearly threw it at me. Though she found my stomachs discomfort amusing, I could see she was a little bit concerned as well. For an eight year old, she had a lot of imagination. Which was a good thing, of course, but she believed in all the things she thought up.

"Careful there, squirt," I took the egg from her, before she could go and make an utter mess of everything.

"Eat it, Roxy! Eat it now!"

I couldn't help but snort. All of the amusement had disappeared, she was scared for my life. Our parents laughed. "Alright, alright," I said, peeling the shell off the egg. When I was done, I put the whole thing in my mouth. "Tha 'ny bedder?" I mumbled. Paine started laughing so hard, she cried.

After breakfast, we took the dog out for a walk. We got back about an hour later, and mom made us tea while Auron read a book on the couch, I played a game on my Nintendo DS, and Paine played with her dolls.

That day, wasn't so bad.

The next day was what I feared. Going to Auron's parents wasn't always bad, just usually. When their daughter was there with her husband and their kids, it was less horrible, but still pretty bad. Auron's mom was a nice lady, or she pretended to be. She was always happy, always smiling, always so nice, while in reality we knew she wasn't nice at all. She was just playing nice because Auron had married mom, and because she wanted to see Paine. I think she may have liked me, but she definitely hated my mom.

Auron's father was not a nice man, but he didn't pretend to be anything else. He was very strict, and yelled at his wife a lot. At the children, too. He loved being in the spotlight, and he usually gave everyone expensive gifts, to show he could afford it. I don't remember ever being happy with anything he gave me.

With such mean parents, it's a wonder how nice and considerate Auron and his sister turned out to be.

Lunch and dinner were tedious. Somehow I survived, but I honestly don't know how I did it. I noticed how mom and I always created some kind of truce when we were there, we were like one against them. A wall, or something. Like they couldn't hurt us if we just stuck together.

Our wall was broken by Auron. It was late, he wanted Paine to go to bed. We needed to go. Mom and I pulled ourselves from our conversation, quickly drank our tea and got ready to go. Suddenly Auron yelled at Paine, grabbed her by her shirt and pulled her back. She screamed, cried, mom hurried over to them. They were in the hallway. The door was closed, but you could clearly hear them yelling at each other, while Paine just cried. I stood in the living room awkwardly, while Auron's father smiled approvingly, and his wife pretended she didn't hear anything.

The door opened. Auron looked at me with cold eyes. "We're going."

When we got home, mom immediately took Paine upstairs, and I called Pluto to take him for a walk. Auron stood in the kitchen, staring ahead. He looked tired, and I felt sorry for him for a minute, because I knew mom was furious at him. I left quickly, hoping to avoid their oncoming fight.

When I got back, I opened the front door to a lot of yelling.

"She's eight, Auron, eight!" mom yelled. "She doesn't have to learn how to tie her laces! Times are different, she only wears shoes without laces anyway. There'll be a time when she notices all of her friends can tie their own laces, and then she'll want to learn!"

"When that time comes, Tifa," Auron said angrily, but calmly, "she'll have to worry about learning other things. Tiny things, like tying your laces, are better to learn when you're young, so you can learn other things when you're older!"

The yelling went on. They'd noticed me by now; they were arguing in the kitchen and I was making tea. I said nothing.

"And I just hate how your father treats her!" mom shrieked, throwing her arms in the air in despair. "By forcing her to read and to write, he's only making her want to do it less!"

"Well at least someone is making her do it!" yelled Auron back.

My tea was done. I fled to my room, and closed the door behind me. Their voices were muffled, but I could still hear them.

"Auron, are we really fighting about how to bring up our child? I have done this before." She did. When she and dad got divorced, she got me. To be honest, I think grandma and grandpa did more of the whole raising us, but considering my mom had to work two jobs and somehow keep the little sanity she had left, she did okay.

Auron huffed. "Roxas? Cause he's turned out so fucking great, hasn't he?"

That's when I walked away from the door. I grabbed my laptop, refused to let the tears spill, and put on my headphones. I didn't want to hear any more. I didn't need to hear it. I felt like I was stabbed in the back. I thought I could trust Auron, I thought he loved me like his own kid. I always find myself trusting people, only to have that trust thrown back in my face.

What's wrong with me?


End file.
